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Archive for March, 2013

Throwback

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” ~Dr. Seuss

I attended a viewing today for a co-worker’s daughter. She had said to me earlier in the week that she felt like this was dredging up old memories for me. Dredging would mean that those memories are not at the surface.

When we got to the funeral home, interspersed with the food set up we were doing, I kept remembering. There was advice for the family from various people; people who hadn’t been there. Who didn’t know what things the husband would need to help get through. How, even though he seemed to be completely calm and controlled, it is very likely that there was only a thin mental cable holding the control in place. I remembered how it felt to be standing there as people filed past. Today, I couldn’t do it. I watched the slide show and started feeling hot. I felt the tears here and there, but I’ve gotten good at pushing those down. Then the show ended and the Dr. Seuss quote came on screen. And I wished that I had done something as nice for Jim’s funeral.

I didn’t go through the line. I had the excuse of having to get back to pick up Hadley. I wanted to say something to the husband. To give him some heads up on what will come. To tell him he can talk to me. But I didn’t, because I know that now, none of that will mean anything to him.

I will be through this soon. I know I will. The sun continues to rise and set, the world continues to turn. I will get to the other side of this minefield in a few weeks.

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