Archive for January, 2013

A very dear person I know once said something to the effect of, there weren’t billions of people put on earth so that we could try to make it alone. Sometimes we don’t know how to ask them for help or even how to say what it is we need, but the true friends just know. They show up, even if you don’t ask them to come.

On the day Jim was officially diagnosed, my friends showed up. One of them drove for over an hour to get there. All I could do was cry. Five days from my due date, hanging out at a hospital…I don’t even know how they found out where I was. I think I have another good friend to thank for getting the word out.

The day Jim died, my friend went with me to the funeral home. She listened to me cry some more. And she kept me away long enough for all of the hospital equipment to get out of our house and to put it back to how it used to be. Well, almost like it used to be.

The day of the funeral, a lot of people showed up. My friends were all around me to support us. Even a friend from New Jersey, who flew out just to attend the funeral. I can’t put into words how much that meant to me.

The thing is, we rarely know how true our friends are until something bad happens. And I would venture to guess that we don’t realize the number of people we can count as friends until we see who is there. It’s easy to feel alone. To feel a failure for whatever reason, to feel as if we could have done things differently or better. But, as Clarence said in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” no man is a failure who has friends.

To my friends I say thank you. And, I will always show up.


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Dear Dad

We continued our tradition of sending a balloon to Jim on special days this holiday. We tried to do it on Christmas but the balloon didn’t have enough juice. That, coupled with the fact that Hadley decided to write Jim a Christmas card and draw him a picture, led to us doing a New Year’s Day release instead.  Our send offs aren’t sad; Hadley loves the thought that she’s giving him a present. We sent three balloons today (because I wanted to make sure that they actually flew) and Hadley declared that Jim would be able to share because he would have enough.

The present is ready

The present is ready

The letter is taped to the biggest balloon; the little piece of paper is the picture she drew of herself. We were able to get a decent group shot thanks to my camera’s timer.

They're going to fly this time!

They’re going to fly this time!

Hadley dictated the letter. I told her how to spell everything. She came up with the picture on her own.

I can still feel you in my heart...

I can still feel you in my heart…

Wish you were here...

Wish you would come back…

Here is the full content. There was a part in the middle about the things she asked for from Santa for Christmas. She left that part out, I think because she was getting tired writing. She insisted that “to” be spelled “too” because she said she knew how to spell it.

Too dad James,

I still love you even though I can’t see you. I still get sad sometimes and cry all the time. Merry Christmas. I still can feel you in my heart. There is sometimes when I was wishing for you to come back.

Love, Hadley





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