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Archive for September, 2012

Balanced

Yesterday was a wonderful day. It was my parents’ 50th anniversary and a beautiful fall day. It was also a tipping point for me. Yesterday was our 10th anniversary. We had five anniversaries together, and yesterday was the fifth one without him. It seems as if it erases us being married, in a way. Today, I have been a widow one more day than I was a wife. Yesterday, I was balanced. Today and each day to come, the married part of my life gets smaller and smaller.

But yesterday wasn’t a sad day. There were times when a memory would surface and it would be sad for a moment, but overall it was happy. It may have been because it was a day full of family and love and celebration. That’s what September 22, 2002 was, too. At one point in his last weeks, Jim said something to me along the lines of, “you should have married someone younger so you wouldn’t have to deal with this.” Without hesitation, I told him that I would rather have a few years with him than a lot of years with someone else. I’ve always thought that. Yesterday was the first day that my head and my heart both agreed.

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