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Archive for June, 2011

Unexpected

I traded in our car today.  I didn’t want to, but at 188,000 miles with no air conditioning at the start of summer, it was time.  I had started thinking about it a few weeks ago but I didn’t want to do anything because Jim and I bought that car.  We were well-suited in car buying, as I rarely wanted to spend money but he knew the mechanics of when it was time for something to go.  I know he would have agreed it was time for the other one.  Knowing that doesn’t make it easier.

As I cleaned out the other car to get it ready to move on, I found shells from our last trip to North Carolina in the back.  We always collected things.  These had been forgotten when we got home and over the years, as we never looked in that particular back storage area.  At first, finding those hit me kind of hard but as I see it now, that actually could be seen as a nice message of, “hey, you might be doing things without me physically here, but I really am always with you.”

It’s only a car, I know.  But part of me doesn’t want to be driving something different.  It’s just another reminder that I’m getting farther away from life as it was.  It feels as if I lost a little bit more of him when I left our car behind.

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