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Archive for March, 2011

And Now You Are 3

Happy Birthday!

Today is my darling girl’s 3rd birthday.  The first thing she did when she walked in her room at school was announce to the teacher that she was 3 now.  According to her, “When I’m 3, I’ll go to Ms. Shea’s class.”  That’s the next class at school.  She really won’t move until there’s room in that class…I wonder how long before she starts asking when she’ll move.  You know, since she’s 3.

We had an early party last weekend with some good friends.  She wasn’t quite sure why she had to still be 2 since we’d just had a birthday party.

This greeted us when we arrived.

We had a birthday lunch and then some cake.  After that, Hadley and Margaret played outside in the kind of warm March sun.

Buddies

There were balloons!!

Tonight was Round 2.  I made a cake that resembles a flamingo…Hadley’s special request.

Not bad for freehand...if I do say so myself.

Hadley, I hope you enjoyed your special day.  You are a fantastic light in my world and I am thankful every day that you are a part of my life.  Happy Birthday little one.

Hooray for 3!

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Trust

Hadley has another little touch of the cold or some such other thing that makes the rounds at school.  It’s causing her dripping and sneezing and coughing galore.  The coughing actually gets pretty bad and she’s coughed so hard a few times that she spits up.  Last evening when we got home, she had quite a time.

The sweet little one wasn’t crying, she just held the “pink thing” to catch her spit up.  All I could do was hold her and say, “It’s all right,” over and over.  After a few times she replied, “I know it will be okay Mommy.  I’m not worried.”  She has great faith that I will always take care of it, whatever it is.  Please let me always deserve that trust.

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Explanations

I nearly lost my gloves today.  I picked Hadley up and when we were getting in the car to go home, I realized I didn’t have my gloves.  They’re pretty old and getting worn out, but they are from Jim and I’m not quite ready to part with them.  So back we went into school and success! we found them after retracing our steps.

Back to the car we went and while I was putting Hadley in her seat a second time, we chatted about why I was glad I found my gloves.  “They are from Daddy,” I said, “and I don’t want to lose them.”  “Mine are from Daddy, too!” she exclaimed.  I let her go on for awhile and then felt that I needed to make sure she realized that she was telling her own story.  I said, “Sweetie, you remember that Mommy got you those, right? You remember that Daddy died and he’s not with us anymore except in our hearts.”  “No, Mommy, he died that day but he didn’t die anymore.  His house is over by my house.”  I told her gently that no, his house had been our house and that we couldn’t see him but he’d always be around.  “Hadley, when people die, they don’t usually come back so we can see them again.”  Not sure why I felt the need to leave the door open with “usually.” She nodded solemnly and I closed the door to get in my seat.  As I opened mine, I could hear her still saying something about him.

As we drove home, eventually the topic turned to chapstick.  Apparently, Jim also bought her some chapstick “and then he wasn’t dead anymore!”  I assume that this means that the word dead really has no meaning for her.  I’m glad there’s no sadness when she says it, but I know that one day there will be.  Perhaps it will only be because she can feel my sadness; perhaps it will be when she feels a loss at not having a dad she sees every day.  Sadly, I know that I am not going to be enough as both a mother and a father.  I am sorry that she only gets one of us.

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